I Wish I Could Stop Caring: Poetry Analysis (Kaze in Mind)

Hiii! Welcome back to SoniaVoyage!🌻

Don't forget to have a drink, okay?

It’s 11 PM and my brain's doing that thing again... y’know, spinning like a fan that just won’t stop. So yeah, I thought I’d write a little something. Tonight, I feel like kaze... that’s “wind” in Japanese.

And just like wind, sometimes I feel light... fresh... like I’m flying or finally breathing. But other times? That wind turns cold, messy, loud. It blows through my chest, stirs up old thoughts, and suddenly I’m stuck overthinking everything I said, everything I didn’t say...

So if you’re here, maybe you’ve felt that too like your mind’s a storm that won’t shut up. If so, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about it.

Kaze in Mind

By Uni Sonia Yulianti

Lying awake with wide-open eyes,

Thoughts like letters the silence denies.

Today's echoes still haunt the air,

A frozen wind, a vacant stare.

I shouldn't have spoken, not that, not this,

Regrets parade in an endless abyss.

Mistakes like firestorms burn through my chest,

While praises lie buried, denied their rest.

I was too loud, I took too much space,

Now empty chairs fill this hollow place.

They came, then vanished without a sound,

This overthinking drags me down.

I hate this world, I hate the weight,

If I had power, I’d twist fate.

I’d let the wind scream in my stead,

And blow away the words I said.

If I could bend the breeze to fight,

I'd chase away the sleepless night.

But here I drown in silent scream,

A prisoner of my shattered dream.

POEM ANALYSYS

Lying awake with wide-open eyes,

Thoughts like letters the silence denies.

Today's echoes still haunt the air,

A frozen wind, a vacant stare.

This stanza hits hard right away. It’s that 2 AM wide-awake, overthinking kinda mood. You’re not just physically lying there, but mentally stuck, right? Like your brain’s flooding with thoughts, but the room is so damn quiet, it’s like those thoughts don’t have anywhere to go. The "frozen wind" part? That’s not just poetic, it feels like when emotions are just... stuck. Like you want to cry, scream, text someone, something but you’re just frozen, staring at the ceiling, feeling the air but not breathing properly. This hits especially when you’re someone who often reflects on what went wrong even when people think you're doing fine.

I shouldn't have spoken, not that, not this,

Regrets parade in an endless abyss.

Mistakes like firestorms burn through my chest,

While praises lie buried, denied their rest.

This one’s all about regret and not just the big dramatic kind, but those small moments where you go, “Why the hell did I say that?” over and over. I feel you here. Like, you know those times when you replay convos from earlier in class, during a meeting, or with a friend and you’re like, “ugh, that was cringe,” or “I sounded so full of myself.” It’s exhausting. You remember your flaws way more than your wins. Even when people praise you, it’s like your brain goes, “nah, that doesn’t count.” Been there. Still there, sometimes.

I was too loud, I took too much space,

Now empty chairs fill this hollow place.

They came, then vanished without a sound,

This overthinking drags me down.

Now this? Oof. The self-blame is real. This stanza reflects that inner voice that tells you, “You’re too much,” even when you were just being yourself. I feel like this ties in with your experience of sometimes not feeling accepted, maybe because you’re passionate, maybe because you speak up, maybe because you care too much. And then when people start leaving or going quiet, your brain immediately thinks, “It’s my fault, I pushed them away.” But let’s be honest, sometimes people leave for reasons that have nothing to do with us. Still, your brain doesn’t let you believe that, huh?

I hate this world, I hate the weight,

If I had power, I’d twist fate.

I’d let the wind scream in my stead,

And blow away the words I said.

This is that emotional outburst moment, like the quiet rage that builds up when you’ve been holding everything in for too long. It's not just sadness anymore, it’s frustration. Anger at yourself, maybe at others, maybe at life just being so hard sometimes. That line about wind? That’s powerful. You’re basically saying, “If I could, I’d make nature itself take over and erase everything I regret.” It’s dramatic, but in the most beautifully honest way. You don’t actually want to hurt anyone, you just want the pain, the pressure, the memories to go away. I get that. Fully.

If I could bend the breeze to fight,

I'd chase away the sleepless night.

But here I drown in silent scream,

A prisoner of my shattered dream.

This is the heaviest part, emotionally. Like all that fire and wind talk... turns out you can’t actually control anything. You want peace, sleep, silence in the brain but instead, you're drowning in your own thoughts. That line “a prisoner of my shattered dream” is just... wow. Feels like when you had dreams to be seen, to be loved, to be enough, and somehow it all fell apart, and now you're stuck inside this version of yourself that’s hurting, constantly battling to escape. It reminds me of how you once shared that you often feel like you’re not the same standout person you were back in school, and you struggle accepting that. That silent scream? That’s the stuff no one sees, but it’s always there.

Pic by Pinterest

Anyway, that’s where my head’s at tonight.

It’s wild how emotions can switch up so fast. One moment you’re laughing, the next you’re drowning in stuff no one sees. But writing this out? Kinda feels like opening a window and letting that wind chill a bit.

I guess my little resolution for now is... to stop fighting the wind so much. Let it blow. Let it pass. I’ll scream if I need to, cry if I have to, but I won’t stay silent anymore.

So yeah. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I hope my mess somehow made you feel a little less alone in yours. Catch ya next time.

Stay soft, stay strong. 🌬

Peace out,

Sonia