When Black Sap Creeps. Poetry Analysis (Canker Bloom)

Hiii! Welcome back to SoniaVoyage!🌻

Don't forget to have a drink, okay?

I’m sitting alone writing this while everyone in this café is with friends, playing games, laughing, doing their things. Me? I have none. Nada. Zero. Today’s tragedy really hits me hard. I see people with crazy achievements, people getting praise, some even getting critiqued but still shining, and suddenly I think about myself in the crowd… yeah, some people know me. They recognize me. They say “oh, hey, hi,” maybe even smile, but… why aren’t they actually coming to me? Why don’t they care to really pay attention? It’s like I exist in their world, but only as a fleeting thought. Like I’m background noise they remember, then forget.

And it stings. It hurts. Like, I know they notice me, but it feels hollow. I start thinking, “maybe I should just be an NPC in this life, do my work quietly, don’t try to flex hobbies or join events, don’t even try to be cool…” I feel trashy, small, unimportant. I scroll through social media and it’s like a parade of everyone else’s wins, everyone else’s attention, and here I am, standing in my corner, clapping silently for ghosts of people I envy.

Even my own voice feels weak. If I talk, do they even care? If I try to stand out, do I just look desperate? I know I have things inside me... talent, thoughts, weird little sparks... but when I compare, it’s like they vanish. Poof. Gone. Like someone flicked a switch and I’m just… static.

So yeah, that’s why I’m pouring all this mess into a poem. A place where I don’t have to impress anyone, where I can scream envy, hate, self-loathing, loneliness… all of it. Where I can finally see what’s inside me without it being dismissed or forgotten. Maybe putting it on paper is my way to survive the café, survive the crowd, survive myself for at least a few minutes.

Canker Bloom

by Uni Sonia Yulianti

Their laughter drips like acid rain,

I am the wilted root beneath the shine,

hands clawing at shadows’ bone,

tongues of fire licking empty veins.

Envy seeps like black sap,

twisting marrow, gnawing silence,

I taste the rot of borrowed stars,

fingers trembling in my own graveyard.

Mirrors vomit me in cracked glass,

ugliness seeps through every pore,

a carcass of whispers,

hollowed heart drumming tombs.

Their warmth is a needle,

plunged into the sack of my chest,

I curl in slime of unseen hate,

dreams ferment in the pit of my ribs.

I am ash raining on the green,

a parasite feasting on my shadow,

tongue sharp with unsaid curses,

voice bleeding venom in empty rooms.

POEM ANALYSIS

Their laughter drips like acid rain,

I am the wilted root beneath the shine,

hands clawing at shadows’ bone,

tongues of fire licking empty veins.

This stanza is all about burning envy and feeling invisible. Their laughter “drips like acid rain,” which shows how other people’s happiness physically hurts you, while you’re stuck feeling like a “wilted root” beneath their shine... small, weak, unnoticed. “Hands clawing at shadows’ bone” captures the frustration of trying to grab success or attention that’s never yours, and “tongues of fire licking empty veins” is that raw internal pain and jealousy eating you alive from the inside.

Envy seeps like black sap,

twisting marrow, gnawing silence,

I taste the rot of borrowed stars,

fingers trembling in my own graveyard.

Here, envy and self-hate are deeply internalized. “Envy seeps like black sap” shows it creeping into every part of you, “twisting marrow, gnawing silence” makes it feel like it’s destroying you from the inside out, while “I taste the rot of borrowed stars” reflects comparing yourself to others and feeling rotten in contrast. “Fingers trembling in my own graveyard” sums up the sense of being dead inside, surrounded by regrets and failures you can’t escape.

Mirrors vomit me in cracked glass,

ugliness seeps through every pore,

a carcass of whispers,

hollowed heart drumming tombs.

This stanza digs into self-loathing and mental torment. “Mirrors vomit me in cracked glass” captures hating your own reflection, while “ugliness seeps through every pore” shows it’s not just physical...it’s deep and overwhelming. “A carcass of whispers” represents the constant negative self-talk, and “hollowed heart drumming tombs” emphasizes emptiness, mourning all the joy and confidence you’ve lost.

Their warmth is a needle,

plunged into the sack of my chest,

I curl in slime of unseen hate,

dreams ferment in the pit of my ribs.

Here, the poem focuses on pain from seeing others’ happiness and failing dreams. “Their warmth is a needle” shows that other people’s joy stabs you emotionally, “plunged into the sack of my chest” makes it feel physical, while “I curl in slime of unseen hate” expresses drowning in private jealousy and bitterness. “Dreams ferment in the pit of my ribs” shows your ambitions rotting inside because of envy, self-doubt, and feeling left behind.

I am ash raining on the green,

a parasite feasting on my shadow,

tongue sharp with unsaid curses,

voice bleeding venom in empty rooms.

The final stanza is pure rage, self-destruction, and isolation. “I am ash raining on the green” reflects feeling like you ruin good things, even your own life, while “a parasite feasting on my shadow” shows self-sabotage consuming your essence. “Tongue sharp with unsaid curses” captures the internal anger you can’t release, and “voice bleeding venom in empty rooms” emphasizes loneliness... your pain is loud but unheard, trapped inside you.

So yeah… this is me, spilling every bit of envy, hate, and self-loathing onto paper. My heart is bleeding shadows, my thoughts are gnawing, my dreams are rotting inside, and my voice? Just venom in empty rooms. I don’t know if anyone should ever feel this way... honestly, don’t follow me here. This isn’t a guide. This isn’t cool. Don’t get stuck in the ashes of other people’s shine, don’t let envy rot your bones like it did mine, don’t whisper curses at yourself in the dark.

Read it, maybe feel it for a second, but then close it, breathe, and step back into your own light. Because trust me… this darkness? It’s mine. Don’t take it with you.

see ya~